““Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it be rather a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”
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Couples Therapy
I believe that our own early relationship histories play out in our intimate relationships. Our desires and hopes of what our partner will fulfill, drive our relationships. These hopes and expectations are often non-conscious projections. We all want to be loved for who we are and find an intimate companion to share our life journey with. However, long term relationships are complex, not only because of the rate in which each person changes and grows, but also due to weathering life's transitions, stressors and challenges. Long term relationships are about learning to love and respect one another with our imperfections and differences.
““When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.”
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When we experience disconnection in our intimate relationships it is often similar to how we experienced it in our earlier historical relationships. As disconnection repeats, so do our coping strategies emerge, such as: blame, hurt, shut down, resentment, avoidance, mistrust, anger, desire to leave, and poor self worth. Habitual patterns established in our intimate adult relationships often mirror patterns from our early attachment relationships.
When emotional meaning can be made and felt by each person in the relationship, and each person feels their partner can empathize and truly listen, then changes can begin to happen.
As a trained psychodynamic couple therapist, I work with you to help untangle some of the dynamics in your relationship and personal experiences. Practical strategies to make changes are incorporated: to encourage honest, direct, and intentional listening and communicating, to facilitate closeness, and sustain connection.
I usually meet you as a couple first and will have separate sessions for each partner to better understand your early relational history and perceptions of the current relationship difficulties.
““Sometimes two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.”
—Anonymous”
““Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
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